Wampiyah

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Birthday to Sonia!

2010-01-29T01:10:00.000-08:00

I can't resist to not share the cute little creations we sent to each other for Christmas and Sonia's birthday.

Minchi Uncensored

2010-01-29T00:54:00.000-08:00

"Ohh, here they are! I forgot I put them in my special glass for dentures made by 10 year old fertile Chinese girls."

"I will put them in, may need to push harder"

"hmm this still tastes like the Peking duck I ate yesterday at big senior party. nom nom nom"

Greetings from...

2010-01-17T13:39:00.000-08:00

2010, a new year full of new opportunities. That's what Monty must've thought when he went off to see the world. Recently I recieved this postcard. Apparently he's been residing in Fiji and spending his lonely days on this beautiful tropical beach with his pinkey toys. I'm glad he's finally wearing the bikini Sonia gave him for Christmas in 2007. Hopefully he'll update us a lot about his glorious adventures.

Bus stories: Part 1

2009-10-07T20:03:00.000-07:00

When I was sitting in the bus earlier today, I overheard a conversation between two elder women. I'm pretty sure they were on their way to do some early shopping together. They had plenty time to discuss their daily issues. I'm going to call them Gloria & Dawn because these two women were the perfect example.

Gloria: Awful weather.
Dawn: Yes, it's the perfect time to wear something warm.
Gloria: Did you know what happened? Bep bought exactly the same coat as me, I asked her why she didn't get the red one instead of blue. I can't wear the same one as her.
Dawn: Oh that is just insane
Gloria: It's okay, I've got plenty of other coats, I've got this perfect black one with fake fur. I actually wanted to wear it today but it's very rainy. I would need my white cap too.
Dawn: That would look so pretty on you
Gloria: Are you crazy? I'm not going to walk around in that, I would look like a fool. hahahaha

later....

Gloria: Last night I watched this gossip tv show and then I went to sleep. I already washed myself so i could jump right in bed.
Dawn: What??? You wash yourself before you go to sleep?
Gloria: Oh yes I wash my face and my fanny every night
Dawn: Hahaha because you never know who will knock on your door at night
Gloria: You always need to be prepared for a nightly visitor. hahaha

a bit later they saw a woman riding on a beautiful new bike

Gloria: Wow look at that, it's so pretty
Dawn: Oh yes it is. I bet she paid it with social service money.

Old yearbook photos

2009-09-26T02:49:00.001-07:00

I found these in a dusty basement. What a great time we had together.

Our uber cool gang

Ramesh and Minchi doing dangerous experiments

Snapping a picture during the hippie era

We loved sports!! This was our American Football team. GOOOOOO Wampiyahs! (We never ever won a match)

We were the best cheerleaders

Ramesh and Minchi playing basketball. Look at their stunning sexy bodies. You can see how much they changed now.

Kelly and Ramesh chilling in the park during the Soul era. Kelly got pregnant that day.

Ramesh decided to dump his big highschool love Kelly for this new Asian kid called Lee Lin. They went to prom together.

Minchi was in a rockband and played at prom. Notice his beautiful coupe du soleil and Mötley Crüe tshirt. He was such a sexy rocker.

Sonia had of course the hottest date of all. She was prom queen. This was on her way to a hotel room with Minchi. The event that took place that night remains a mystery. Ramesh got dumped that night by Lee Lin. He was too clingy apparently

C0Nv3rS@t!OnZ

2009-09-24T18:31:00.001-07:00

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:15:11 AM): harro bubby

soundslikekell (11:15:36 AM): hello darlingg

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:15:54 AM): listen

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:15:59 AM): i need 2 tell u sumfin

soundslikekell (11:16:02 AM): im listening

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:16:12 AM): i got dis wack ass email from some psycho stalka

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:16:20 AM): i DUNNO WHO

soundslikekell (11:16:23 AM): No wai

soundslikekell (11:16:34 AM): who iz diz mofo

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:17:03 AM): i dun know all i no if dat she is obv crazy stalka a$$ b1tch

soundslikekell (11:17:55 AM): IF u TelL me who diz bitCh ass Motherfucker is den I go KilL this bitch aye

soundslikekell (11:18:45 AM): WhY iS diZ staLker stalKing U

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:18:46 AM): YEAH we beat down dis muthafuck@

soundslikekell (11:18:56 AM): AIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT MAH SLUTTY FACE

soundslikekell (11:19:07 AM): TUgetHa

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:19:08 AM): I dUnnO ObS sHe iZ dUH jElOuZ b1tCh

soundslikekell (11:19:20 AM): AIgHt I ThiNk 2

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:19:25 AM): ThIZ HaARd 2 TyP3

soundslikekell (11:20:07 AM): I kNow but U n33d 2 suFf3r 2 bE bItcHing FucKing COOL

soundslikekell (11:20:09 AM): AIGHT

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:20:19 AM): AiGht U B rIgHrt B0o

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:20:49 AM): Ok I dUZ fInK sHe St@lK mE aT mUhSp@C3

soundslikekell (11:21:35 AM): OmG RllU , WAt kiNd oF CrZY MuThAfuCkA iZ diZ? HoW she FinD Ur MySPACE?

soundslikekell (11:21:50 AM): MayB wE nEed To CaLL da COpS

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:21:58 AM): ShE ObZ b jAmAl's NEw NaSt@Y SlUt

soundslikekell (11:22:05 AM): WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:22:06 AM): He Mi$$Me Me

soundslikekell (11:22:22 AM): JaMaL BeEn FuCkiNn A nEw BiTcH?

soundslikekell (11:22:41 AM): ThAt Is NAsTAY

FurbyOnAcid89 (11:23:08 AM): I No BitCh GoT sUM mOuLdY aZZ pUzzY

soundslikekell (11:23:14 AM): HeE BAnGS DeM SlUtS sIncccce U 2 BroOke Up Ya No

Retarded

2009-09-24T18:31:00.000-07:00

Kelly is lame pass it on

2009-09-24T18:29:00.000-07:00

Twitter

2009-09-10T09:57:00.000-07:00

Follow Mr. Wong on Twitter.

http://twitter.com/minchiwong

We all know his life is more interesting and active than ours.

Best birthday present ever

2009-08-24T00:47:00.000-07:00

My lovely Sonia digged up this picture for my birthday. As you can see it's us in primary school, we were totally the popular ones, noone could ever come between us and our gang. Just look at the black girl in the back. What a loser was Ebony. I remember we locked her up in the bathroom once because she called Sonia a doofus. To teach her a lesson we put on the fire alarm and ran away. Great times. I heard she's a famous stripper in Vegas now.

I am going to have a birthday party now with orange juice and carrots.
Shank you so much Sonniyah <3 you mean so much to me

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Update

2009-08-15T04:20:00.000-07:00

We are being held captive by an unidentifiable blonde girl who wishes to remain eyeless. Here is our most recent picture and i hope that through this three second post one of our many many thousands of loyal readers will contact Bill Clinton and ask him to do what he did for another couple of Asians only a week ago. We need you Clinton, we need you like Lewinsky needed peen.

Rammy's dictionary

2009-07-16T11:01:00.000-07:00

We posted Wong's dictionary before, now it's time to sum up all the beautiful words Ramesh uses to explain his love and life on the internet.

paplet= vagina
peni-peny -penny = penis
verios = virus

This will be updated very soon

I'm engaged!!!

2009-06-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy right now, I can't describe how I feel. I recieved this picture in my mailbox. When I first saw the picture, I thought it was a big joke, but then I read the message under it and I was in shock for at least 15 min. Then I sent him a "yes" back. Monty has been devistaded lately because of the whole plagiarism scandal, he needs someone in his life right now to be able to move foward. And that someone happens to be me of course. It's a big step but I believe it will lead us to success and happiness. Though, this means I have to leave my Emily Blunt obsession behind :( (I'll miss you Emily) Sonia doesn't know yet but she's going to be my Maid of Honour, weehoooo We've got a wedding to plan right now.

Mr Wong. and Photoshop...

2009-06-17T16:36:00.001-07:00

I sent Mr. Wong my photoshopped "Dr Wong" picture (see other post). He wasn't too happy with the way he looked apparently...

[1:17:39] M Wong: after on picasa make it light look more handsome ha ha
[1:18:26] M Wong: alrady re-send to you
[1:33:36] M Wong: cheng the light look like younger ha ha
[1:35:13] Kelly: you definitely look younger
[1:38:09] Kelly: I'd say 20
[1:38:14] Kelly: maybe 21

Result:

Plagiarism

2009-06-16T07:30:00.000-07:00

Monty's infamous Pink Toy film has been adapted to porn without any permission of it's owners which means the copyright has been violated. Monty's lawyer revealed to the press that he's going to take this to court because he feels like a wet puppy. More news soon.

The Pink Toy Trailer:

As you can see, the screencaps of the porn movie (r) are quite similar to screencaps of the original masterpiece(l). Both were shot from the same angles, have the same story line and the main object of these films are pink toys. What more can I say? This is definitely a case of plagiarism.

Q&A Dr. Wong

2009-06-16T05:39:00.000-07:00

Mr. Wong, also known as "Dr. Wong" knows the answer of every question you've got. He's our personal oracle. If you have any questions, please contact us.

Q: Why do asian girls always have so much hair on their vagina?

A: Many Asian haveso much hair on their virgina because iit color is black so look like much and each eat food is different white eat too mutch butter and i find many white have light head than Asian and white peaple have much hair at face ha ha

Mr. Wong and modern music

2009-06-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

On Skype:

[17:21:30] M Wong: now i play Ana Belen-a Paloma
[17:21:42] Kelly: Do you masturbate to it
[17:25:20] M Wong: the image now apear my mind and dreaming now !!!! hi hi ha ha hu hu
[17:25:34] Kelly: oh about penis
[17:26:55] M Wong: about your vergina
[17:29:07] M Wong: Linda is singing very sexy and beutiful
[17:29:30] Kelly: what is she singing about?
[17:31:09] M Wong: cry me a river Justin
[17:32:23] Kelly: How very new age of you, do you like Justin?
[17:35:24] M Wong: now Justin take a shower ha ha
[17:46:01] Kelly: did you send me that song
[17:55:41] M Wong: now youtube is play toutch my body ha ha very sexy

My mailbox:

The lost diary of Birdee part III

2009-06-06T15:46:00.000-07:00

The lost diary of Birdee part II

2009-06-06T15:43:00.000-07:00

The lost diary of Birdee

2009-06-06T10:19:00.001-07:00

Grapagosh World Map

2009-05-31T21:55:00.001-07:00

Kelly and I want to live on Grapagosh Irind.

2009-05-29T07:31:00.001-07:00

I think i just freezer burned my tongue on cold milk.
Am i really that fail?
Apparently So.

Oh and while you're at it here's a fantastic article pinpointing exactly why Twilight sucks.
http://avadriel.livejournal.com/81802.html#cutid

Big Fat Secret: I Love South Park!

2009-05-27T03:52:00.001-07:00

Skype Today

2009-05-26T22:12:00.001-07:00

[3:08:56 PM] Kelly says: we are both nude
[3:09:42 PM] Kelly says: all sexy
[3:09:43 PM] Kelly says: naked
[3:09:59 PM] Kelly says: big black bush hair
[3:10:15 PM] Sonia says: tiny slant clitoris
[3:10:58 PM] M Wong says: silver glay buth hair

Mr. Wong's Film Career

2009-05-26T16:34:00.000-07:00

Mr. Wong as James Bond

Mr. Wong as a Jedi in Star Wars

Mr. Wong as Hagrid in Harry Potter

Mr. Wong as Ben Braddock in The Graduate

Mr. Wong as Mister Miyagi in The Karate Kid

Mr. Wong as Ann Darrow in King Kong

Mr. Wong as Gandalf in The Lord Of The Rings

Coming soon: Mr. Wong in "AZN Wampiyahs"

Lest We Forget

2009-05-25T11:17:00.001-07:00

Oprah Prank: Jokes On Us

2009-05-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

This has been such a weird week for us. At the very beginning of this week, our eyes witnessed some events which we shall never speak nor think of ever again. As if that wasn't enough, we also managed to understand what it's like to be Oprah for one single second. Or two perhaps.

I decided to check my email I never used much before. It was probably my instinct, because I recieved around 200 e-mails from Skype with friend requests and short messages. Without even reading one, I found it quite impossible that these emails were real because I never recieved any requests before. It turned out that these requests were all on our Oprah account.

As you might've read, Sonia and I pretended to be Oprah and Gayle the other day but we never expected that something like this would happen...

I signed in on Skype and Skype literally seemed to crash. There were at least 700 messages and requests and I kept getting more and more. Apparently people thought this was Oprah's real addy because Oprah had a show about Skype JUST before we found this all out. Speaking of coincidences.

Some of the contact messages:

"hello oprah love your show. weve been on skype for over a year and a half and we love it, great to see you indorsing it to. keep up the good work"

"Hi Oprah, I just watched your show about Skype and just downloaded the software. I am very excited about using it. You were the only person that I know that definetly has it! Tell Gayle Hi!"

"Omg i love your show, I'm a BIG fan! I would love to skype with you sometime. "

LOL!

We ain't signing in ever again. The world is full of fakers, but this is still Oprah. And Oprah is powerful. We don't want to go to jail yet.

Lee Lin No Chin = "Twilight" stalker?

2009-05-18T11:02:00.000-07:00

While searching for pictures of the sexiest man alive, Robert Pattinson, I stumbled upon this picture, which strangely enough looks a lot like our Lee Lin No Chin... Is it her or just one of her cousins? Whether she is Lee Lin or not, I envy her for being close enough to smell Rob's breath. Hmmmmmmm

The Wampiyahs

2009-05-18T02:18:00.001-07:00

Introducing The Wampiyahs with their Debut Album "Hook Me Up"
Including such hits as:
Jesus Fuck Me    6:66
Mah Mah Mah (Those Mango Lips)    3:02
Suck On Your Paplet    2:24
Big Bottomed Boys    8:00
Big Eye So Beautiful    2:01
Mister Wong Don't Leave Me    3:39
Why Hide Behind Those Goggles?    1:50
Lee Lin I Want Your Chin    4:48

"The Oprah Winfrey Show"

2009-05-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

So, who do you want to be when you grow up?

"I want to be Gayle King," Sonia said.
"I want to be Oprah Winfrey," Kelly said.

Only yet to realise we aren't young anymore. But who cares. Today was our day. We wanted to be Oprah and Gayle, so we became Oprah and Gayle. We always relate our friendship to theirs, because Oprah and Gayle are BFF's nomatter what. Even Oprahs toyboy Stedman is the third wheel in their relationship. To get back to todays adventures, we made new Skype names as Oprah and Gayle and tried to call random people to tell them they were live on the show. It was hard to find any decent "Oprah loving" people, the only ones out there were some Indians who weren't aware of the existence of Oprah and Gayle. (probably because tv's are rare in the slums)

On the left: Oprah Winfrey, right: Gayle King

We decided to tell people they were getting free KFC-coupon codes because we wanted to make people happy on Skype and we were testing the beta version. It was still a failure because the first person who slightly believed us told us he "wasnt a fan of fried food." Asshole. I mean, if Oprah would call you, is that the best you can do? "I don't like fried food" God, I would be very thankful and eat all the chicken wings at KFC just to show my love for our goddessess. Maybe we weren't successful because we were not convincing enough. Though, I'm pretty sure that wasn't the problem because Sonia even had her applause soundboard ready to pretend we were really live. Ah well.

Soon we will try again, with more luck I hope.

Oprah with a Chicken Bucket from KFC

A KFC coupon from Oprah

Mysterious Obsession

2009-05-14T02:54:00.000-07:00

To Sonia, because you love beautiful killing eyes:

Gay feelings?

2009-05-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

I just got this image from an anoymous source. The love of my life, Monty B. Bear is, as you can see, humping a pink coloured toy. Is it real of photoshopped? Is he only humping the toy to satisfy himself, or does he have feelings for this toy? I am clueless and sexually aroused. The first one who knows the truth will get a free sticker.

Separated at Birth part III

2009-05-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

Mr. Wong and Mr. Turtle

Mr Wongs Absence

2009-05-11T04:27:00.000-07:00

Kelly recently got an email back from Mr Wong regarding his strange absence this past week.
It seems his computer has broken and we feel somewhat guilty. You see ever since we introduced him to porn he has been keeping a detailed bookmark list of his favourites and even venturing onto sex sites in his own time. Unfortunately these sites also have dangerous advertisements or spyware that Mr. Wong has been accidentally clicking. I mean who can say no to promises of a 'LARGER PENIS' especially when you're old and Asian?
This is probably his 5th computer now.

Separated at Birth part II

2009-05-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

Ramesh and Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Monty B. Bear

2009-05-10T11:16:00.000-07:00

When you are friends with Sonia, you are friends with Monty too. It's like buy one, get one for free, unless he doesn't like you of course. I like dogs, but I usually don't find them teddybear worthy unlike Monty. His silky fur, his puppy eyes, his angelic barking and his funny behavior makes me explode orgasmically. I've been trying to have a conversation with my little boy since Sonia and I are Skyping, but he never bothered to show any interest. I know it's because he doesn't want Sonia to hear us talking. He is quite shy so he sends me messages through engery fields (he was adopted by an Asian family after all)

As you can see, he prefers pink coloured toys. Monty is what we call a "diva"; he eats special food, he doesn't like to get wet or dirty, he doesn't like grass, he sleeps in bed, he steals pillows(and other private things) he needs attention when he wants to. But he also takes good care of the family, physically(sexually) and mentally. He is always there to protect and help the poor. This makes him the cutest dog ever, he is like a little child. Monty is definitely a metrosexual dog, he isn't afraid for male attention. Though,I am pretty sure he likes my attention the most since he's been asking for nudes and sextapes. I am still waiting for Monty to ask my parents for a hand so we can finally marry and live together, close to McDonalds, close to his mum, because I know he has the best parents ever.

Notice his tongue sticking out of his mouth...mmmmm.

Separated at Birth

2009-05-08T08:45:00.000-07:00

Left: Filburt of Rocko's Modern Life Right: Mr Wong in the 90s.

Answers and Biscuits

2009-05-07T14:06:00.000-07:00

It has been a sad time for us. Mr. Wong, our sunshine, our moonlight, our shining star, our galaxy full of life, has been too busy to speak to us. Is he cheating on us or are we getting too old for him? To get some answers, I sent him this email a while ago:

Dear Mister Wong.

I am crying.
I am crying my eyes out.
They almost bleed.
Why? You must wonder WHY?
Because of you!

Yesterday, you were online on Skype and talked to Sonia, then you suddenly left, just when I was about to get online on Skype. Why?

Today, the moment Sonia came online, you went offline. Why?

I am asking you nicely, why? Why are you hiding? Is it because you think we are dangerous? Is it because we aren't Taiwanese and young anymore? Is it because of your wife? WHY, PLEASE EXPLAIN US WHY!? Do we bore you? Are we your boredom friends and only good for when you are excited and have nothing else to do?

Enlighten my day Minchi Wong, We still love you so much. But you are being mean to us. We are close to search the world, or at least the retirement homes, for a new old friend.

Yours Sincerely,

Disappointed Kelly

Yet I am still waiting for him to reply.

It is heartbreaking to hear the excuses he makes to "get offline." A short list of his excuses:

"Oh my brother call from Taiwan, I need to go now, bye"

"Oh I am so tiyad, take sleeping pell.......(silence).......are you wet?....oh okay go sleep now bye"

"My wife want to print poem, sorry bye bye"

"My wife call me okay bye"

"My peecee may have some problem I stop Skype ok? Bye"

"Oh I need to go now.....(Where to?)... uhhhhhhh.......uhhhhhhh walk house?"

It's quite obvious he lies to us all the time. I guess we have to see how our relationship goes, but we’ll keep you updated. (If he'll ever unblock us)

Choke in your bisquicks Mr. Wong, choke!

/laughs

Meet Ramesh

2009-05-04T20:49:00.000-07:00

I know we have been heavily focused on Birdee these past few posts, but we're now remedying the situation by introducing you to 1/3 of our Holy Trinity - Ramesh Shah. Kelly and I met Ramesh on myspace chat one night and built up a friendship that has has lasted over a year now. I could tell you a bit about him. but Ramesh can do that himself:
About me:
i born in village name -Chhaniyar is situated in Gujrat state of india. I born & brought up in village upto 4th standard in school. Thanafter i joint C.N.Vidyalaya at Ahmedabad, whci is very famous institution in Asia. There i studied up to 11th standard.During school time i took part in drama, and won the 1st prize in essay writing in all over Gujarat state.than i came to Bombay for furhter study & joint M.L.Dahanukar Collage at vile-parle , subarb of Mumbai city.I havce worked for Rajshree Pictures P.Ltd. during their Taqdeer Film. Than after I joned chemical companyfor one year. Afterthat I joint Ruby Genral Insurance Co.Ltd. Indira Gandhi Formar Prime Minister of India nationlised whole Genral Insurance Indusry. During my service period , i developed Hoby of photography, I have secured the diploma course in photography from s.n.d.t.University.than again i got certificate course from j.j.institute of Arts

I don't think we really wanted to learn about his career but there you have it. Ramesh is quite enigmatic, his myspace states he is 33, when he is truthfully probably close to his 60s. Kelly once caught him saying he studied in 1973 (impossible if he was 33) and he later deleted any knowledge of that on his myspace. We have skyped, cammed and conversed with Ramesh ever since that fateful day in myspace chat and he was our obsession until Minchi Wong came onto the scene. I don't know what it is about him. maybe the way he speaks is like lyrical genius:
ramesh shah says: be fast ramesh shah says: otherwise i loose water pee from my peni-peny -penny ramesh shah says: what is correct spell for banana
Kelly says: why would you lose water from your penis
Kelly says: impotent
ramesh shah says: no ramesh shah says: but if u meet me after long time- i become so exited

Or maybe it's the sparse tufts of hair upon his shiny bald head that beckon me forth everytime my messenger chimes when he messages us.

Whatever it is, we hope to be friends with the stunning Ramesh for many years to come.

If you wish please feel free to add/message Ramesh on his myspace, there are also many more pictures displayed: look up 'ramesh shah'

Birdee Sex Tape

2009-05-04T19:57:00.000-07:00

Birdee's laptop was hacked and subsequently this video has been leaked to the press, we currently do not know who is behind this but as you can understand Birdee is upset at this intrusion of privacy. He has however allowed us to post and show you all the amateur footage before any other media outlet. Please be advised this video is not suitable for minors it involves pole dancing, and rigorous humping.

Recipe of the day: Soup dog with chicken

2009-04-25T03:59:00.000-07:00

Are you lonely?

Don't you have anyone to cook for you?

Are you really hungry and craving for some good and healthy food?

Are you too lazy or not able to cook something great?

Do you have a dog?

**********

If you answered yes to all of the above questions, then we have the solution for you:
Soup dog with chicken! Follow the 10 steps to make Grandfathers finest soup, it's easy, it's fast and it's cheap. (This is really my attempt to get Sonia into cooking)

Ingredients:

1 chicken soup for the dog lover's soul.

1 dog (a fat one = more meat and better bouillon)

1 chicken
parsley
2-1/2 quarts cold water
2 cubes chicken bouillon
2 teaspoons of salt
1 small onion, chopped
2 stalks celery with leaves, chopped
2 large carrots, chopped
1 bay leaf
Salt and pepper to taste

p.s. If you can't find chicken in the store, you can use any bird too

Steps

Rinse dog and chicken thoroughly
Trim off excess fat.
Cut dog and chicken into quarters and place in a large stock pot.
Add the water (or broth) and 2 teaspoons salt, the chicken soup for the dog lover's soul and bay leaf.
Cover the pot and bring to boil.
Uncover and skim off the top froth
Allow to simmer 2 1/4 hours
Add the onions, celery, and carrots and parsley.
Allow to simmer 45 minutes.
Place cooked noodles or rice in bowl and pour soup over it.

Et Voilà, le soup dog with chicken!

Bon Appétit !!! MMMmmMMmmMMmMmMmMMMm

Alarming Imagery

2009-04-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

I just received this disturbing picture in my email inbox from my boyfriend.
Am now contacting animal authorities and arranging a visa.

I'm coming for you bb.

A letter to Sonia...

2009-04-22T07:12:00.001-07:00

Hello Sonniyah xoxoxoxoxo,

Birdee here, my communist leader is having a day off so I finally got the chance open my DS and go on the internet to post for you, my biggest love.

Diz iz me next to DS

BRB Seshamee seed hmmmnonmnomnom so good

Ok I am back again, I just wanted to tell you how much I love you and I cant wait till you save me from my miserable life. Please, fly away with me, let's fly to the jungle in Africa, I'll build us a hut and we can start breeding, I'll plant my seeds in you, far away from slanty eyed family, far away from bad bad technology, just us, you and me, me and you. Till then, we could, you know, play gamez together if you want, because I hide my DS under my gay coloured feathers. I'll download Skype so I can talk to you in private my precious. I want you to show my peepee on webcamera..

hmmm my Asian love on DS, can you shee?

I'm getting a hard pole...need to hump hump...

Shee how gewd I am wif playing? *wink wink*

Oh shit, she come back right now I must *vanish* and pretend I'm eating sheeds.

Yours only,

B.

*gone*

Wong's dictionary

2009-04-21T13:24:00.000-07:00

You'll need a special dictionary to understand Mr Wong's kind words. He is a stereotypical "Asian-English" speaking man, so we can't stop laughing our asses off when he makes up the funniest Asian-English words ever.

abnormal sex = non-Asian porn

big bress = big breasts
corn beef = corned beef

cristalis = clitoris

Dracura = Dracula
Elizaves Teiller = Elizabeth Taylor
hungly, hungree = hungry
imitation penis = vibrator, dildo
Marrine Monlow - Marilyn Monroe
nood phot = nude picture
obcause = of course
perluck party = potluck party
retier men = retired men
silber bush/hair = grey pubic hair
sonindow = son in law
sleeping pell = sleeping pill
soup dog = Snoop Dogg
terefon = telephone
trable = trouble
undersuit = underwear, panties
vagna, vergina = vagina
viagla = viagra
vivrater = vibrate
youtube = pornhub, redtube, xtube etc.

Minchi Wong, the grandfather in our lives.

2009-04-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

Mister Wong, a man I couldn’t describe in a thousand words. In fact, even a million words wouldn’t be enough to tell everything we learnt about him. Mister Wong, who’s real name is Minchi Wong, came into our lives in February 2008. Sonia and I found out a new way to communicate with each other; through the infamous voip-program Skype. Soon enough, we also found out we could communicate with random people all over the world. Sonia wouldn’t be Sonia, and Kelly wouldn’t be Kelly if we didn’t take advantage of this beautiful program. We spent hour after hour speaking to sexual Indians, gay Russians, obese creatures and arrogant Americans. One day, a gentle, broken English speaking man, answered our call. Although we loved his cute Asian accent, we fell completely in love with him when he sent us some adorable, but very outdated, pictures of himself.

Minchi fishing near his house(notice his beautiful hairdo a la Harry Potter)

Minchi and his wife Kan Kan Wong

Minchi Wong is an 82 old Taiwanese men, and lives with his wife and dog in a beautiful home in Sacramento. He came to America twenty years ago to celebrate his retirement. And celebrating is something he definitely does. Everytime we speak to him, he mentions a "senior" party he went to. (Can you imagine he has a bigger social life than Sonia and me together) Besides partying, he enjoys eating "corn" beef, fishing, walking around the lake, plucking fruit from his garden, making telephone calls to his friends all over the world, Skyping, and last but not least, watching sexy videos(porn,porn, porn, porn). Sonia started to send him sexy videos once and now his life completely changed since he's seen one. He's addicted to watching porn and he even starts to watch them when he's talking to us on Skype (when we hear random moaning, hmmmmmmm's, ahhhhhhh's, weeeeeeee's and wooooooo's, we know exactly what's going on). It doesn't matter how vulgar he can be sometimes, he's the only person we don't find creepy at all.

Birdee and Sonia: A Love Story

2009-04-15T05:16:00.000-07:00

Kelly owns a lovebird and although we have been friends for a long while i have only recently been aware of Birdee's presence in Kelly's life. It has previously seemed as if Birdee was an embarrassment upon Kelly and therefore kept in the attic and never spoken of. Only recently has Birdee found a way to communicate to me either via Skype or through a series of nood phot and since the break-up of my previous 3.5 year relationship Birdee has been there to console me and kiss..and touch...and well, yes console me.
Through Birdees new found use of internet technology he has sent me a video of himself, you may not be able to hear what he is saying but due to my amazing birdlingual abilities i am able to translate the following to you:

'Sonniyah my darling love of life, please release me from terrible Asian reign, if you do not i kill myself and hang self from piece of paper. You see this paper? I hang. Farewell beloved *vanish*.

Not only have i received moving images from the love of my life he has also sent me many nood phot:

I think perhaps these are some the most seductive pictures i have ever witnessed in my life.
Unfortunately my mother stands in the way of eternal bliss for Birdee and Me. I explained my intense relationship with Birdee to her and she seemed fine and happy for me as i am 20 years old so it is time i marry and have many children but then she saw his pictures and was very surprised and shocked.
'I no like coloured people, you no marry not right interracial'
We now plan to elope and we will keep you updated.

Freak-a-leak: A History

2009-04-11T05:21:00.000-07:00

Just a little background information: Sonia and I have known each other for almost 3 years now. Since the day we met on a blackdatingsite( which happened to be for lonely souls with mental disabilities), we share a history together. When I say history, I mean the history we both had in socializing with freaks and weirdos on the world wide web. Our friendship is partially based on it. I'm truly convinced we're some kind of freak magnets but that's maybe because we are weirdos ourselfs. Everywhere we go, there's always someone waiting to talk to us.

As mentioned before we have a 'Holy Trinity.' Members of our trinity are: Minchi "NOT CHINESE BUT TAIWANESE" Wong, Ramesh, the reincarnation of a horny ghandi and Lee Lin, the mysterious beige beauty. Even since we've met these people, we've become obsessed with them, probably because they make us laugh till we cry.

The soundtrack of our adventures:

P.s. Sonia, I can't wait till you sing this song for me with your beautiful voice.

Have You Seen This Girl?

2009-04-08T14:01:00.001-07:00

Name:??? (Lee Lin No Chin)
Age: ??? (Looks to be 17)
Sex: Suspected Female
Race: Asian descent

If found please email details via:
megalomaniac1@hotmail.com

From One Obsession To Another

2009-04-08T12:33:00.000-07:00

We first came across this stunning creature when we went through 150 pages of a Kristen Stewart thread over at The Fashion Spot. Although we are still very obsessed with Kristen Stewart we have since fallen completely and irrevocably inlove with the strange beauty that we have now named 'Lee Lin No Chin' on account of her owning a chineck (no clear decipherable division between the chin and neck) a condition Kelly also suffers from. Not only does she seem to be a Kristen Stewart fan, she has also become part of our 'Holy Trinity' (together with Minchi Wong and Ramesh) and has spawned countless photoshop jobs by the talented Kelly and dismal Windows paint jobs by yours truly.

We soon after noticed that her left eye seemed to resemble the ancient symbol for 'Yin and Yang' and pretty quickly made the connection to the 'Yin Yang Twins' a talentless US Rap twosome. We of course made this idea our own and concocted a plan to give Lee Lin her very own male twin and the above was Kelly's rendition of Lee Lin No Chin and her twin Lee Yin No Chin made to cheer me up after a particularly crappy day. See what a great friend she is?

Lee Lin has also become our own personal Rick Roll, we'll pretend to be linking to another image such as Britney being crazy, or a cute puppy BUT SURPRISE SURPRISE it turns out to be the one and only Lee Lin No Chin. Don't be shocked if a link we want you to click actually turns out to be Lee Lin, you should be proud. You've officially been Lin Rolled.

Anyway, ever since we came across the picture of this mysterious angel being we have been trying to find a way to trace her identity with no such luck so if anyone has any information on her or a link to a personal site we would love you forever simply because we worship Lee Lin and will forever more.

Kelly - Introduction

2009-04-08T12:24:00.000-07:00

So... I'm Kelly, the other half. I could say my life is quite similiar to Sonia's. I spend my days at home watching films, listening to music, playing videogames and reading comics. I feel old while I'm only 20 years young. I'm a fantasist, a day dreamer, and I think life would be boring without having a big imagination. Sharing your thoughts and ideas with someone who understands you fully is probably one of the most pleasant things ever. That's probably why we made this blog, this way we can relive our amazing moments over and over. I'm currently a student and when I'm finished I'm going to find out what this world has to offer. Australia would be an amazing place to start so I could meet my beloved husband to be, Mr. Monty B. We'll leave his mum at a McDonalds playground so we could walk together on the beach. Dreams.

Sonia - Introduction

2009-04-08T10:48:00.000-07:00

My name is Sonia i am one half of this blog with my best friend Kelly but to help decipher me from the other i'll tell you a bit about myself. I am 20 years old, my birthday is January 3rd, which makes me a Capricorn and i wouldn't say i'm your average young adult. I don't really enjoy drinking or partying at all, my ideal night would be getting plastered on apple juice and playing GTA all night and/or reading a good book. I'm a complete and utter homebody which i guess would make me seem boring to most people but if you actually got to know me you'd see i'm extremely entertaining and have the voice of an angel.

I live in Australia, Melbourne to be exact, and at home with my mother and my dog Monty.B.Bear who is an Australian Silkey Terrier and an extremely campy and horny individual who likes to steal my underwear along with other bits and bobs from all around the house to make a nest in his kennel. He thinks he's a bird. Talking of birds i am having a delicious affair with Kellys bird named 'birdy'. We have cybered and exchanged nudes but more on that later.
I guess that's a little bit about me, i don't even know if that was the least bit informative really.